


30 Days of Smut - Day 20 : Kink - Pain Play / Electricity / Cutting

by casey270



Series: 30 Days of Smut [20]
Category: Isaac Carpenter (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Cutting, Dark, Depressing, Depression, Drinking, Gen, M/M, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 14:20:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casey270/pseuds/casey270
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is dark, not kinky.  If anything about self-harm or even the thought of self-harm squicks or triggers you, you shouldn't read this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	30 Days of Smut - Day 20 : Kink - Pain Play / Electricity / Cutting

Tommy thinks Isaac’s a chill guy. Maybe a little too chill sometimes. Like now, for instance. He’s tried and tried to get Isaac to do this for him, but Isaac’s more about comfort and just doesn’t understand why he needs something harder.

But he does need it. He needs it like air sometimes. When he gets so far down inside himself that he can’t find his way back to the surface, when all the little shit buries him and crushes him, when he can’t find a lifeline to pull himself out of all the fucking failures in his life - that’s when he needs it.

That’s when he needs something sharp and stinging. That’s when he needs something quick and hard. That’s when he needs Isaac to be able to do this for him, because he’s tried doing it for himself, and he failed at that too. The scars people can see have all been covered carefully with tats. The others stay hidden. But Isaac’s seen them and cried when he tried to explain where they came from.

See, when he tries to do it himself, he never knows when to stop. It feels good - so fucking good - to be able to come back from the foggy, half formed place his mind gets to sometimes - the place that’s full of the quicksand that tries to suck him in and pull him under. So he aims for that little bright spark of pain to show him the way, but he never stops when he should. He goes for the fucking sun, and he gets burned every time.

That’s why he needs Isaac. Isaac won’t ever go too far. Isaac doesn’t understand the pain, can't see the simple beauty of it and tries to avoid it instead. Isaac keeps telling him that he doesn’t want him to hurt, and he can’t get the right words together to make him see that the pain is what keeps the hurting away. Or keeps it from taking over his whole damn life. Shit, if he can talk Isaac into this at all, he’ll count himself lucky. 

But it’s gotta be soon. He can feel the big, dark cloud coming up, and it’s calling his name like it never has before. It’s singing to him when he sleeps and whispering right in his fucking ear when he’s awake. He feels it all around him, trying to find its way inside, and he’s scared shitless that he’s not gonna make it out alive this time. 

Unless Isaac’s there to help him.

He gathers things he thinks might help. He’s managed to acquire quite a collection by now, and each item, each _thing_ , is like a fucking mile marker of his life. If he needs to, he’ll fucking use them all tonight. 

He pours himself a drink. Just Jack - nothing else, because nothing else will come close to helping him now - and watches it go round and round as he swirls it in the glass.

He picks up his phone and dials the only number he can remember right now. The fog is coming in thick, and he knows it’s gonna be bad. He keeps repeating the same words over and over while he presses the numbers that mean maybe Isaac’ll help him. He says them again as the phone rings on the other end. He doesn’t know if it connects, or if Isaac even hears him. He keeps saying it until he feels his phone sliding out of his hand and his head rests against the cool edge of the table. 

He’s still repeating it when he feels warm hands brushing against his face and strong arms holding him close. He looks into scared, questioning eyes and tells Isaac, “I need you, beb”


End file.
